What is it with this school year? All around me, I see my friends being broken, by failures, by new relationships, by lost scholarships, by financial difficulties, by deaths. The lost glints and dulled eyes, the slumped shoulders, the forced smiles..they break my heart.

Ayokong malungkot ang mga kaibigan ko.
Please God.

Classes started last Wednesday. We were expecting an ‘orientations only’ first day so we didn’t realize that we were getting a lecture until it was already halfway through a doctor’s discussion of integrated management of childhood illnesses. After class, I finally left losersville and saw Iron Man.

I like third year so far. I’ve finally moved to my bigger, cheaper new dorm room. My friends live nearby so I won’t feel as alone as I did last year. I didn’t get a tv or an internet connection, my biggest time wasters last year, but I’ll be online on most weekends. I’ll do my best to still visit all your blogs.

~
Watch this!

I was the girl on top. I sat on my friend’s shoulder while she sat on our other friend’s shoulder. We first tried this out on a pool during our last immersion in Pampanga. It was a lot harder to do with the waves crashing on our bodies so we were really happy in the clip.

This was taken in Puerto Galera. I was there with three of my friends last May 6-8. It was a trip I thoroughly enjoyed. We stayed at Whitestone resort where even though we just used the room for sleeping, just the cr was worth every peso we shelled out. Aside from hitting the beach several times, we got henna tattoos, rode a banana boat,

went to Tamaraw falls and swam in ice-cold water, shopped at the local wet market, cooked sinigang, went snorkeling, had a pre-birthday celebration and got full body massages. On our last night, we laid our sarongs on the sand, lay down ourselves and just hangout until 4:30am. 300 photos and 11 shooting stars later, we were back in Manila just as it was getting drenched by heavy rains.

I was out of the house almost every day until classes started. I had my lessons per usual, I hang-out with a friend (oh hai Red!) at Starbucks making logos among other things (we were still sorta productive, right?) and I had to move all my stuff to my new dorm.

Last May 11, I attended my friend’s graduation party turned mini high school barkada reunion. She graduated cum laude from UPLB and she’s entering law school this June. My other kabarkada also graduated cum laude from UP-D last April. I’m so proud of both of them. Another kabarkada is going to take up med at USTe this June. I swear everyone in my high school barkada is an overachiever.

Yesterday, I went to the annual MIND (Movement of Idealistic and Nationalistic Doctors) convention. I was alone when I went there last year. At least this time I was with a couple of students from the college. I think last year’s convention was better though I must say I was thoroughly entertained by the accomplished Dr. Tony Oposa.

MIND is organized by Dr. Willie Ong. I don’t always agree with what he preaches (especially his love tips) and I admit to raising an eyebrow at his decision to endorse VitaHeart but he’s a guy whose good intentions have won me over. I admire his passion to help people. And though he seems ordinary, he has done an enormous amount of good.

This rock was a hit with my family cause it looks like it’s flipping you off. We picked it up on the beach on the second day of our family/mini-baranggay outing in Subic. I know it looks like something else. But I didn’t point it out ’cause I was with my very young cousins.

The first day was an epic waste of time. And on our last day, my newly retired grandfather decided to give us a “tour” of the place. We went around in circles with the highlights being:

“This is where my office was (abandoned building).”
“This is where we ate breakfast/lunch/dinner/merienda.”
“I frequented this casino (repeat several times).”
“I bought canned goods here.”

And from my uncle: “This is where I parked and slept while waiting for him.”

Fun times.

It wasn’t all bad though. The 3 hour (11am-2pm=sunburn!) swim was fun. And I got my tong-its game back. But one of the best things I did was hang-out on the swings with my sister and tita. We were discussing our future (lalim, pare).

My sis is graduating this year and my tita is an incoming nursing junior. What we all have in common is our desire for independence. We all recognize our family’s inability to let go off their offsprings. My tita calls it ‘close family ties’, I want to call it emotionally unhealthy. So far, the only proven effective ways to move out has been through marriage and/or rebellion, none of which works for me. I plan to move out without marrying anyone or becoming a bigger black sheep than I already am. I will leave the country for independence.

Escape Plan:

• Third year in med school
• Clerkship/Junior Internship
• Internship + Phil Board Exams
• USMLE
• Residency in the US
• Practice for a year or two or come back immediately
• Take up Multimedia Arts.

My sis is choosing between getting a job or taking up a second course (Advertising/HRM/Culinary Arts/a fashion related course) or taking up a masters degree. But she is ardent about running her own hotel someday. My aunt also has plans to go abroad. We might even leave on the same year. When we come back, we all considered moving in together.

Anyway, as Shari’s multiply site says, one shot at a time. The first thing on the list starts in two weeks but the most urgent thing at hand is a trip to the beach with my friends. More sunburn, overlapping tan lines and hopefully more than 3 hours of fun.

The next day, my high school barkada and I used our school’s open house as an excuse to go back and go around the campus. It’s been 4 years since we graduated but it’s been 8 years since we entered high school. Just like ourselves and just like everything else, the school has changed but some things remain distinctly familiar.

It was my friend’s birthday so we had lunch at her house afterwards. Kwento, tambay, at karaoke lang. It’s refreshing to just have good, clean fun again.

On my way home, I bumped into my grade 5 science teacher and one of the best teachers I’ve known in my life. I nearly walked past him. Before he talked to me, I just saw him in my peripheral vision and I thought he was some weird guy who was literally trying to bump into me. I’m happy he still remembers me.

On April 6, I participated in the circumcision mission in Norzagaray, Bulacan. I paired up with a friend of mine ’cause it was our first time. I was sweating profusely when I had to inject the anesthesia for the first time. And when I had to cut the foreskin. And when I had to do the suturing. I was nervous plus the weather was typically hot and humid. But by the end of the day, my friend and I were confident with our new skills. We circumcised 5 boys and the last one was almost bloodless. O di ba. Libreng tuli, anyone?

We ate lunch on a riverbank before 27 of us headed off to Pampanga for our three day immersion at a government hospital. We were staying at a resort so we went swimming on our first night. It was pretty much an immersion-slash-outing.

Our first day on duty was pretty benign ’cause it was a holiday. We left at around two and I was finally able to eat at a local Razon’s. I spent the night drinking, singing karaoke and playing 1-2-3-pass and two different versions of High Jack/Hi Jack with several of my classmates and 2nd year students.

Our next day on duty was a bit more eventful. I wasn’t able to scrub in any operation and I missed all the normal deliveries (which I had been looking forward to) but I did give my first intramuscular injection to a kid who was involved in a VA (vicycle accident hehe) and I was able to do my first postpartum internal exam on an Aeta. There were a lot of neonates going in for check ups so we were able to elicit a lot of the reflexes we learned in Pedia. I was particularly fond of scaring the shit out of babies (Moro reflex), having them hold onto my finger (grasp reflex) and watching their tiny toes fan out (Babinski reflex). We discussed some cases and it’s great to find that I have pretty good recall in almost all the subjects we took up in second year.

I’d probably get tired of the menial tasks I’m all too eager to learn right now. I may get around to cursing them at one point when I’ve done them one too many times. But then again, I may end up appreciating them more when I’m doing them to benefit someone else.

On our last night, wasakan na. Almost everyone got wasted. I drank ’til I vomited and swore off drinking again. At least I was one of those who made it to the sink/cr. The ones who vomited on the mattress and on the floor weren’t as lucky.

This is obviously my fave lolcat image.

I woke up with a bad hangover and bruises on my thigh cause I kept on slapping myself when my body was starting to get numb. lol. We got back to school at around two so we were still able to see Shutter and 10,000 BC.

For last two Fridays and Saturdays, I’ve been taking voice lessons. I decided to pick it up again after 5 years. My shyness was the reason I “lost” the previous training I had. I reverted to some of my old habits: I don’t open my mouth wide enough and I don’t hit the notes hard enough. But once I understood what the problems were, it was easier to overcome them. It’s great being able to belt out songs again.

Aside from that, I’ve been spending my free time sleeping, watching J-doramas and movies (Hana Kimi, Densha Otoko, Water Boys and Nobuta wo Produce) and reading The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd.

I did pick up something from a random blog that has helped me a lot these past two weeks. I’ve yet to be angry, depressed (loosely using the term), or frustrated since I’ve come home. It’s allowed me to effectively get off our emotional roller coaster.

Your _____ need not be my______.

Your anger need not be my anger.
Your hypocrisy need not be my hypocrisy.
Your bullshit need not be my bullshit.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

You see, everything I deem wrong in my family, I take as my own flaw. I’ve yet to completely achieve separation-individuation. I’m working on it. And I have to say, an unusual but welcome calm permeating our home has been helping.

~

I’ve been hanging out (and letting my id have a field day) at The Man Blog forum for the past few days. If you read my posts, you’d see a bit of the humor only some of my close friends have witnessed thus far. Ade (oh hai, Ade!) said he was surprised. You have been warned. :)

I said I’ll write several posts regarding the months I went on hiatus but…I changed my mind. I would like to share something I’ve only achieved in the past month: I am finally at peace with my taking up medicine. We had a recent medical mission that I actually enjoyed. And I realized that I could do this for a living. I prefer to finish medicine.

Up until then, I’d feel really bad before every exam. I always felt that I should be doing something else so I’d put off studying until I’ve created a crisis. I did this every week. I wasn’t like this last year because I was chasing after my graduation honors. This year, I had no goals and my grades reflect as much.

But like I said, I finally want this. I’m no longer a reluctant medical student, now I’m just… a masochist?

1. self-diagnosis

Mineral water bottle for perspective. This pile-o-doom is a little over 2 ft high.

I had to cram all of this, divided in not so small doses, into my cranium everyday for the past 3 weeks. I think I was so bangag that the night before our Patho exam, while attempting to re-heat my dinner, I watched it burst into flames inside the microwave instead. I’m still not sure if it was the foil or the styrofoam that was non-microwavable. It was probably both. But the bigger ka-shungakan was that I just stared at it. Luckily, my friend who was studying at the dorm pantry had more sense and put it out for me. lol.

After the 19 semestral and final exams were over and done with, I felt a bit invincible. It’s like driving to Baguio.Afterwards, all other trips feel a lot shorter.

We had our much needed year-ender party after the last exam. It was mostly like our usual batch parties: live music care of the band, all you can consume food and alcohol, and Optimus Prime (a friend’s beer bong, which is becoming a steady fixture in our parties). But this time we had the party at a friend’s resort-pretending-to-be-a-house. It was pretty damn funny to watch mostly drunk people drag, push, pull, throw (and all the other creative ways one can enter a body of water) each other fully clothed into the pool (and we were in Tagaytay!).

I didn’t drink as much as I usually do, to the disappointment of everyone who was waiting for my inner drunk English sailor to come out. I even managed to effectively hide/hang out at the pool table with those who wanted to stay dry. But I guess I wasn’t as sober as I thought either as I hit my head with the car door as we were leaving. :))

[I have more to write ’bout the last two months so expect a few more entries during the next few days. C’mon, you know you missed me. ;) haha]

I was planning on updating this week but I no longer will as I have just been on the receiving end of the worst blow to my academic ego and I’m still writhing from the pain. I slacked off this year, but I did not intend for it to get so out of hand.

I’m off to prevent myself from being any more fucked.

See you guys in a few months. Don’t you forget about me.

But I guess I will always remember 2007 as the year I chose to face a certain truth about myself and, to a certain extent, embraced it.

~
Highlights of the Year

• I graduated cum laude.
• I got through my first year of med school. And I’m beginning to visualize myself as a doctor, finally.
• We formed the new college publication, starting my possible journalism career as the Art&Graphics editor and as a contributing writer.
• My team won the year level quiz bee and I was part of the team that won 2nd place in the college quiz bee.

But I slacked off during most of my second year so I have a lot of catching up to do.
Me in 2008 = + !

It’s also worth noting that this has been my most prolific year in my almost 5 years of blogging even though I was only active in April, May, November and December.

Relationships-wise, 2007 was a huge improvement over 2006. I was able to mend broken friendships and establish better relationships with my classmates. I remained in touch with my barkada and I was even able to reconnect with old friends. But more importantly, I shared this year with people I care about.

Though the last few days have been stressful and harrowing, I am left with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. For the the year that is about to end, and for the one about to begin. For another year of opportunities. To love. To change. To be.

As the last remaining hours of the year come to pass, I find myself thinking of RENT. Indeed, there is no other way to measure a year or the entirety of our lives than by the amount of love we have given and by the amount that we have been privileged to receive.

Happy New Year to all! :)

Happy Christmas everyone!