Simply put, we were bright-eyed in college. We were going to change the world. (Lol.) But while trudging through med school (first year for most of my friends and I), we lost that light. We allowed the last four years to beat us down. We left med school feeling disappointed with ourselves. A lot of my friends were valedictorians and salutatorians, and most of us had latin honors in college. But you wouldn’t know that with our performance in med school. We got honors and awards here and there but they were the ones we got without trying. The big tragedy is that we didn’t even try. We allowed the pervading culture of mediocrity to swallow us.

I’m most disappointed with how I played the victim card for the past four years. Entering med school wasn’t my idea but I went along with it. I should’ve owned that decision. I wasted energy focusing on what I didn’t have and what I wasn’t doing.

I allowed the powers that be to choose my career path because I was afraid they otherwise wouldn’t pay for my college education. But I stayed, and I am staying in this path because medicine- being a doctor- makes me feel useful. I’m chucking this need to be altruistic to my Aquarian nature.

I always thought that I had to choose between feeling useful and feeling happy, with happiness being associated with my true passions: art, literature and music. But I’ve come to realize that I cannot have one without the other(s). I need that which makes me feel useful and those which make me feel happy.

I’m quite sure that I won’t be satisfied with just being a GP. I hate stagnation more than I hate hospital politics. I will eventually enter a residency program. Whether I’ll do it next year or a few years from now is what I’m currently deliberating. No matter when I decide to further my medical career, I have to find a way, and to find the time to pursue art/writing/music at the same time.

This entry is actually a long-winded ad to find people who could teach me to paint or play an instrument. Anyone know anyone who could work with a when-I’m-free-and-when-you’re-free type of schedule? Email me. Lol ;)

It’s the trailer of T2, the new horror flick of Maricel Soriano at Mika dela Cruz. Now, my friends and I love watching scary films together. We get a kick from the adrenalin rush and the accompanying (and sometimes lingering) paranoia. But if there ever was a horror film I needed to get talked into watching, this would be it.

It’s too similar to the creepiest experience I’ve had, which has been responsible for my “I do not not believe” stance regarding the paranormal. It happened when I was in high school, weeks after All Soul’s Day. I had been reading leftover scary articles. Feeling braver than usual, I scoffed at them, and thought “Yeah, right”. I was in my grandparents’ bedroom then. (I used to sleep in the divan in their room even though my sister and I had our own room.) I used the bathroom in their room before turning in. Shortly after settling in, I heard something from the empty bathroom.

Like in the trailer, someone or something was making that ‘psst’ sound. I tried to ignore it but it came incessantly and in regular intervals: “psst……psst……psst……psst”. I panicked and woke up my grandparents. They don’t hear it but I still could. I hid under their covers, my hands covering my ears. Mind you, my grandparents were already laughing at me then. I didn’t want to look stupid but I couldn’t do anything else since it still persisted. It only stopped when I started praying (scared as I was, I was also partly amused me cause things were playing out like a good ol’ Pinoy movie). I was so shaken, I wasn’t able to use that bathroom for a week.

Now, I’m aware that that could’ve been a hallucination. I mostly refer to it as such. But that it could’ve been real is not that far off since creepy noises are a staple in our house. They could be dismissed as hallucinations too, if only shared hallucinations existed. For years, we heard sounds like someone sweeping (yung parang walis tingting) in our garden…at night, every night, after the gate leading to it was already locked. A maid claimed to have seen someone sweeping. We all just learned to ignore it. It disappeared some time in the last couple of years.

There were also sounds coming from the dirty kitchen. My sister and I don’t sleep in our room (the windows of which faced the kitchen) but we sometimes stayed there until the wee hours of the morning because our computer was in there. On most nights, it sounded like someone was rummaging through the pots and pans. I mostly attributed it to the dozen or so stray cats my grandma keeps there. But when it was my sister who was using the comp, the cats always seemed bigger and more aggressive. I’d be watching tv in another room when she would come and ask me to accompany her while she shuts down the PC. She has had way weirder and creepier experiences than me. She’s one of those people who sees things. I’ll save that for November (or not).

My experience is not the only reason why I may not go see T2. I’m starting my junior internship in 2 weeks. I’m gonna be at the hospital most of the time. I think abstaining from horror movies, stories and everything else with even just a tinge of the paranormal will be good for my sanity. I’m neurotic enough as I am.

PS. Please don’t share creepy stories in your comments. Thanks. :D

My greatest frustration is not actually art but music, the piano to be specific. It was my first love and I could’ve been good at it. I started playing on my own by age 4 or 5 and I could play songs by ear. I kept asking for lessons and was always given promises that lead to a big bunch of NOTHING. In my family only academic pursuits were considered worthwhile. This is why I have the skill of being able to spin any extra-curricular activity into sounding, well, curricular but I digress. By the time they wanted me to take lessons, I was in HIGH SCHOOL. I gave up after a few weeks cause by then I had nothing but resentment for it (transference, I know) and the feeling that it was too late. It’s been years since I touched a piano and I don’t think I could even muster a nursery rhyme anymore.

Now they want me to pursue art after I finish my residency and fellowship trainings(!). I’d be in my early thirties by then! I don’t want to end up resenting my art as well. So I’m gonna start saving up, just in case I don’t get their support (as usual).

How does this pro-blogging thing work again? ;)

While some of you will grudgingly associate Muse’s Supermassive Black Hole with vampires playing baseball, I have the benefit of conjuring up in my mind’s eye our med school’s dance group’s hot choreography instead. The group’s interpretation of the theme “Eros” centered on free love. Take that inaccurate and completely uneccessary bioethics lessons on sexuality! Hah!

(For the record though, both guys are straight.)

Aside from the innate entertainment value of the event, what made my day was seeing several undergrad classmates, one of whom was part of the winning dance group. I found out via multiply that even my high school seatmate was there. Too bad we didn’t run into each other.

The competition was right after our 3 weeks of exams ended. Despite my atrocious academic performance (I can now claim that I crammed my way through med school) I had some small achievements: I was exempted from taking the final exams in radio, ent, commed, pedia and internal med. The last one was the best cause the department treated us to several boxes of pizza, asked several residents to give us a pep talk and encouraged us to take up internal med as our specialty. I’ve been considering it for a while now, actually.

Dr. ClaireBear encouraged me to take a year off after getting my license. I was already planning on taking two. If all goes well, I’ll take up Multimedia Arts (MMA) earlier than I originally planned. I was inspired by *cough*jealousof*cough* my sister who is already enrolling in her 2nd course next term. She’s also a frustrated artist so she too decided to take up MMA.

Dr. ClaireBear also tagged me in her ‘Seven’ meme, part of which I’ll answer.

Seven Things I Like The Most

1. Seafood

2. Traveling and immersing myself in a place or culture.

3. Hanging out with my friends

4. Dancing. I’m no dancer but I love to dance, whether I’m alone in my room, in a club, or on stage for school churva.

5. Other forms of self-expression: singing, drawing, writing, etc.

6. Things that can capture my attention for hours: books, the internet, music, real good/bad movies and tv shows

7. Good food and good conversation

Seven Random Facts About Me
(It’s getting more and more difficult to come up with “random” facts with all these memes so I lifted the last 4 from my “25 Random Things” FB meme.)

1. IQ > EQ

2. I blog so I don’t forget.

3. I’m a try-most-anything-once kind of person.

4. It could take me days, weeks and even months to respond to tags and emails. I think about my replies and by the time I’ve mentally edited what I wanted to say, I’m too tired mentally to type them out. LOL

5. I’m a bit of a hypochondriac.

6. I lovelovelove chicks with pianos and/or guitars, opm bands, and indie music.

7. I download music and buy cds at random. I like discovering unknown, new, or quirky artists.

Seven Things I Plan To Do Before I Die

1. Make a certain secret an unsecret. (Naintriga ka no?)

2. Travel. A LOT.

3. Make a difference.

4. Achieve my professional and personal goals.

5. Get married.

6. Write a novel or create a graphic novel or make a movie or do all of them.

7. Leave a legacy.

Seven Things I Can Do

1. Cram exceptionally well.

2. Accents.

3. Seal impressions.

4. Run in stilletos. Wear 4in heels all day.

5. When asked programming or geometry questions (or anything that involves coming up with algorithms), I know the answer before I understand why it works. And I need to type it out or write it down before I try to understand it lest it would slip away.

6. A really good poker face.

7. Listen.

I’m not gonna tag anyone but if do this or if you’ve done this before, give me a link so I can check it out. :)

Last January 23, I treated 15 of my friends to a supposedly pre-birthday dinner. ‘Supposedly’ because we got to Seaside at around 10pm, started eating at around 11pm and ended up celebrating on my birthday anyway. Getting there was the challenge: we crammed 16 people into 2 cars, suffered through 2 hours of traffic and since Yuki’s car’s aircon wasn’t working, we also enjoyed the heat, dust, and bus exhausts of the metro. (Though super thankful pa rin ako kay Yuki and Ana for driving us in the first place.)

Seafood + Friends = An awesome 22nd birthday. I had a lot of fun. My friends got me 3L of wine. LOL. That’ll probably be really handy during our 3 weeks of nonstop exams.

Last January 21, we went all the way to 70s Bistro at Anonas, QC to watch Up Dharma Down. Dare I say that they were so much better live. There was a moment when Armi stared off into space and we were joking that she might be having an absence (’ab-sans’) seizure. We had seizure lectures that morning so sue us. Anyway, Red caught that exact moment on film! LOL.

They were nice enough to sign my Bipolar cd. I almost didn’t ask them to sign it cause I don’t like awkward fangirl moments (my vestigial shyness springs up on me every now and then) so buti na lang hinila ko ni Red since I really did want to get my cd signed.

Afterwards, we went to Embassy. I RARELY go to clubs so is it just me or do an unexpectedly large number of people in clubs/bars suck at dancing? At least during that night, many were standing around, making awkward jerky movements or dancing like they’re a pole shy of actually doing some stripping. I had fun but I’m a little bitter over paying Php400 for the 45 minutes we were there. Ayan ang napapala ng mga late, haha. We got back at the dorm at around 5:30am.

And yeah, I’m still sick. I was actually coughing throughout Up Dharma’s gig. That visit to the school clinic is long overdue, I think.

In three months, things will be different. Too different.
Junior internship. Internship.
Zero sleep every three days for the next two years.

I’m not really afraid, I think I may even welcome the challenge and the opportunity to learn. But it’s the end of all the kulitan, kwentuhan, harutan, tampuhan, pang-ookray etc etc with my blockmates who I have been sitting next to in class for up to 8 hrs a day, everyday for the past 5 years. Then there are the friends I have gained in med school who I won’t be able to bond with as often I’d like. A part of me wishes to linger, to hold on to what we have now. I know we can still have a semblance of this if we exert the effort. I just wish it would still be as easy.

As Ely summed up, part of me doesn’t want to grow up..yet.

Unlike any other year, it’s easy to think of one word to describe this year: Wanderlust.

Subic. Pampanga. Puerto Galera. Laiya, Batangas. Bicol. Baguio.

Ganyan na ko kalupit tumakas LOL. Most of these trips were with my med school friends. I think we’re overcompensating for the coming year since we will already be clerks/junior interns/hospital scum. It’s the year I heard described as the worst/most difficult year in one’s medical career. Ah, but I at least have a year of good memories to get me through it.

2007 was better than 2006, and at the end of it I was happy. But the most vivid memory I have of that year was this: me in my dorm room, alone and, pardon the emo-ness, lonely. Moving to a new dorm outside the school and nearer to where my friends’ live has made all the difference. It opened my doors to late night bonding sessions, reviewing with people, our “Friday habit” (hours of dancing+karaoke+beer, usually after a week of evaluations), seafood fests along Macapagal Blvd., OFW nights/lunch (we cook and invite other dormers over) and a plethora of activities that involve other people.

I’m also thankful that I still got to hang out with my high school barkada a couple of times throughout the year.

I was on hiatus last January so I never got to blog about my birthday. I was very touched by the “surprise” party my friends threw me. Plus, we had an awesome cake fight.

2008 was also the year of EPIC wins, from the boys basketball team’s first ever win to our batch becoming the JFT overall champions.

No year is perfect but I’d like to think that the storms we weathered has only made us stronger. My acads also suffered. I tell myself that at least I was happy this year, but I regret not even trying. Hindi man lang ako nag-effort magexcel.

I did discover the joys of public transport and commuting on my own. I may not know the tiny eskinitas and kantos of every place but I can basically find my away around Cavite, Las Pinas, Paranaque, Muntinlupa, Manila, Pasay, and parts of QC. And Baguio. LOL. Marunong na rin ako magcommute papunta Tagaytay, Batangas, Puerto Galera, Subic, Baguio and Bicol. Basta may bus solve na. hehe :)

I haven’t been this happy since I was in Taft (my happy place). 2008 was a good year. :)

~
For the remainder of the year, and for the next, I only pray what I pray everyday, that the Lord keeps us safe, sane, healthy, happy and worthy of heaven. [+prayer of thanks :)]

Happy New Year, gais!

~
P.S.
(I know this is already excruciatingly long but just one last thing.)
To my friends: THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. For this year and all the years that we have known each other. For all the memories we have together, and the ones we will still make. For accepting me for who I am, fully and without question. I could breathe easier this year. THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I’m truly blessed.

The Production
Most of us were only able to watch bits and pieces of the play because most of us were involved in it in some way. In fact, this entry is late because I’ve been watching the videos Jobz posted over and over again. I still can’t believe we pulled it off as well as we did.

“A Thousand and None” is our batch’s baby. I was at Mitch and Madi’s dorm when we conceived it. Aika wanted a circus. I suggested a murder mystery. She wrote it (with help from our batchmates) and directed it. In our metaphor, Paja, Madi and I provided the sperm cells that brought about that which Aika nurtured for months. The batch worked hard to to give justice to its delivery.

Intro

Madi and Jaja choreographed the dances. Lucky kept us together all throughout this thing. She was an amazing floor director and prayer leader (hehe). The actors (Ian, Nais, Jaja, Peter, Ineng and Martin) and my fellow dancers outdid themselves. Kudos to the lights, sounds and video people. You have broken our 2-year curse of endless technical difficulties.

Moments before the prod began (as told by Ghia):
Kuya spotlight operator: Ma’am wala pa daw yung judge, iinom muna ko ng coke.
Ghia: Ano?! Hindi pwede! Ako nga linulunok ko na lang laway ko e! Kuya, lunukin mo na rin lang muna laway mo!
Kuya: Sige na nga po, ma’am.

Dedication di ba! hehe

“Special Effects”

We had more Kasou Taisho-inspired scenes, choreographed by Gerry, Yuki, etc. Props to the men in black who were the backbone of what were arguably the crowd’s favorite scenes. And of course, props to the props people (corny..boo! haha).

The contortionist act was one of those aforementioned crowd favorites. Ang ganda nya live!

Magic Box FTW!
“…baby, thinking of you keeps me up all night…”

Sayang, I think Jobz’ cam ran out of battery or memory. The video ends halfway through our Una Kaya dance. She’s amazing for uploading the vids but I can’t wait for the dvd of the entire thing (which we will definitely upload). I especially want to see the final dance.

Anyway, in case you were wondering, I’m one of the five “contortionists” (aka the silver surfers/embutido girls) on the first clip and I’m the green belly dancer on the last one. I’m so proud to have been part of this amazing collaborative effort. All the hours of practice, learning to do back rolls, front rolls and bridges (at 21!), all those mornings after practice when we can barely get up from bed (di ba Reyia?), all the bruises on our knees and shoulders (di ba Sally and Dyne?), that month-long crash diet (di ba Paja?), they are all so worth it.

This is the best prod we’ve done. Great story. Clean execution.
Judges’ Scores: 99-99-98 (Ave: 98.67, baby!)

The Band

They sounded amazing despite not having Chard and Aeron this year. I’m still a huge fan of saxy Daryl and Cedi aka Mitchydee. Kudos to the rest of the band!

The Chorale
They improved so much this year, and they looked great thanks to Camille’s costume design.

JFT King and Queen
Hindi namin kayang kalabanin ang kayamanan ng mga magulang ng ibang contestants. Pero alam naman natin kung sino talaga ang nararapat na JFT King and Queen. Region V represent!

Solidarity
We deserved the batch solidarity award because we shelled out more than just cash to win this. Grabe ang paghihirap namin dito, especially ni Ana. From selling shirts (na kinarir nina Ana, Charm, Camille, Mitch, Madi, Reyia, Esther, etc) to making the new design (thanks to Esther, Aika and especially Marie for helping me) and getting it printed (na JFT day mismo na natapos), to getting customized clappers, effort talaga. And we cheered hard. There were only 77 of us but we were louder than the two lower batches (200+) combined.

Special mention nga pala si Lans, ang aming emcee na pinagtanggol ang batch!

I’ve always been part of the solidarity committee so I’m extra proud of our grand slam win.

Overall Champions
We were up against a lot of odds, the size of our batch being just one of them. But we have overcome. We played it smart. We knew we couldn’t win everything but we gave it our best. The categories in which we won 2nd place, the scores we got were not far from that of the batch who got first place. But those we won, we lead by miles.

Everyone cooperated and participated, others did more than what was asked of them. Congratulations, batchmates. We won not because it’s our last year. We won because we deserve it.

Isa pa para…sa ‘ting lahat. ;)

Twilight. Most people loved it or they hated it. Aika probably gave the most fitting review, it is something our 11-year old selves could’ve enjoyed. But as someone who is a decade past 11, indifference is all I would’ve had for the book had people not told me they LOVED it, encouraged me to read it and gave it the glowing recommendations that lead me to believe this great work of literature would unravel once I open the copy I stole from my sister.

I fell asleep after 18 pages.

The crashing and burning is why I hate the hype and fandom that lead me to this massive disappointment. In retrospect, that book had no chance from the beginning. Twilight could never have lived up to an this Anne Rice fan’s expectations and opinions of what constitutes great or even just worthwhile vampire literature. No chance at all.

Sparkly vampires? Seriously?

Lestat would kick Edward’s ass or (as Red suggested) make him spontaneously combust with his mind. Then again, Edward’s so pretty, he’d probably just fuck him.

Ok so that last paragraph is there because I enjoy getting a rise out of rabid fangirls. I have to keep reminding myself that ‘those rabid fangirls’ include my classmates and my sister.

The Book
I’m trying to be nice but what follows is akin to kicking someone who had just been hazed and whose kidneys’ are probably already failing. But like I said, I have to get this out of my system.

I hated Bella almost immediately. I find her dull and self-absorbed. She acts like Daria but has shown no indications of being smart enough to actually carry a conversation with Daria. She’s just…emo.

Edward is charming. The End.

There were other characters who had more personality, which is why I can’t understand why the two most flat characters were the main protagonists. Or why the main protagonists were the most flat characters. Despite the endless cheesy lines and metaphors, I found no chemistry between them. And there was this gaping abyss where the plot should’ve been. I guess an actual plot would’ve taken time away from the frolicking.

I do praise whoever recognized the goldmine that is the tweens with the tremendous spending power waiting for the next thing over which to obsess. If anything, this series was well marketed.

The Movie
I watched the movie in the hopes of getting something from it that could tide me over the remaining 470 pages of the book. Most of those who LOVED the book were disappointed with the movie. Those whose opinions I value more said the movie was okay, given the material it had to work with. I think those who were disappointed expected more frolicking.

Again, Edward was charming, a little bipolar and still devoid of a personality. Bella, however, was less annoying. Mostly because I don’t hear her thoughts. And because she was played by Kirsten Stewart who was great in Speak.

I’m still not finished with the book. But reading it with lowered expectations and with the perspective of an 11 year old has made it bearable.

House is a medical mystery show and Dr. House is its Sherlock Holmes (’homes’). The thrill of solving a mystery/case is one of what I consider the best things about the medical profession. I like the process involved in diagnosing patients. But more than being the epitome of what I like about medicine, I’m hooked on House because of Huddy.

Yep, I bought the dvds of the first 4 seasons today and I’m watching the fifth season online because I am so into the House/Cuddy ship. They are typical of the love-hate snappy snarky non-sappy bickering couples that I get hooked on. These kinds of couples usually thrive on subtext, are never realized or they get together but end tragically. Oh, and they usually have insane sexual tension and chemistry. So the fact that this is actually happening makes me wanna …squee.

I love this fanvid. Just a bit of warning, it has major spoilers. It uses and redeems Hoobastank’s ‘”The Reason”, a song so overplayed it used to make me physically nauseous when I hear it. Okay, so the video is ironically a bit sappy, but the relationship is anything but.

The first episode I watched today was “Airborne” (season 3 episode 18). As it ended, “Hope for the Hopeless” started playing. It’s from A Fine Frenzy/Allison Sudol’s One Cell in the Sea, the album I’ve been listening to nonstop for the past two weeks. Another coincidence. I can almost see House roll his eyes to the high heavens.