One Fell Swoop
I suffered from dysthymia1 from sixth grade until a few years ago. While I’ve overcome my depression, I’ve yet to master my volatile temper. I’m usually a very calm person but I am prone to quick but explosive bouts of anger. I don’t always show it, but I feel it. Strangely enough, I only have these outbursts at home. I guess it’s another pothole.
I did pick up something from a random blog that has helped me a lot these past two weeks. I’ve yet to be angry, depressed (loosely using the term), or frustrated since I’ve come home. It’s allowed me to effectively get off our emotional roller coaster.
Your _____ need not be my______.
Your anger need not be my anger.
Your hypocrisy need not be my hypocrisy.
Your bullshit need not be my bullshit.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
You see, everything I deem wrong in my family, I take as my own flaw. I’ve yet to completely achieve separation-individuation. I’m working on it. And I have to say, an unusual but welcome calm permeating our home has been helping.
~
I’ve been hanging out (and letting my id have a field day) at The Man Blog forum for the past few days. If you read my posts, you’d see a bit of the humor only some of my close friends have witnessed thus far. Ade (oh hai, Ade!) said he was surprised. You have been warned. :)
I said I’ll write several posts regarding the months I went on hiatus but…I changed my mind. I would like to share something I’ve only achieved in the past month: I am finally at peace with my taking up medicine. We had a recent medical mission that I actually enjoyed. And I realized that I could do this for a living. I prefer to finish medicine.
Up until then, I’d feel really bad before every exam. I always felt that I should be doing something else so I’d put off studying until I’ve created a crisis. I did this every week. I wasn’t like this last year because I was chasing after my graduation honors. This year, I had no goals and my grades reflect as much.
But like I said, I finally want this. I’m no longer a reluctant medical student, now I’m just… a masochist?
- self-diagnosis [↩]
Oh, hai, Anne! :P
Thanks by the way for joing the forums.
Well, am glad you’re no longer a reluctant med stude, but… masochist? What?!
I still think you’re the snitch, BTW. :P
Medical school = pain. Legal but still…lol
And I am NOT teh snitch!
But being a masochist iz a verrry znitchy thing to dooo!1
*waves afterlife tubby gun around*
just dropped by to catch up on your posts! (–,)
Hi snitchy!
So, I happen to like your “I’m no longer a reluctant medical student, now I’m just a… masochist.” Heh, hilarious.
Anyway, I know how it feels to come to every exam having the nagging thought of “why am I even doing this”. Until now I still haven’t become someone who’s truly passionate about what I majored in. At least you have had a considerable blessing in experiencing otherwise.
I was a bit of a masochist too years ago. Well, I have 2 university degrees (and various other training that makes me an overly educated bum). One degree, I got while I was working full-time (day) and going to school at night. I had no social life during that time. And I had all these expectations (and tragedies) thrown at me. Family obligations, death, giving up my dreams (dropping out of architecture) to take care of family…
It was only 5 years ago when I realized what was really more important, what I wanted FOR ME. I learned to balance “stuff”. Now, I subscribe to the “Lazy Achiever” philosophy: get more with less effort. :P Oh, and sleep. 8 hours, always good.
Yeah, don’t get too caught up in family drama and expectations. It can totally screw you over… choices you make, consequences. And focus on your studies, but don’t forget to have a social life too, eh?
Who needs a social life when you’re Ann a.k.a. masochistic goddess!?!
Ok that came out wrong! Aaaaand I’ll be quiet now.
That “Your _____ need not be my______” thingamajigger is the shit! Self-therapy, my friends. Self-therapy.
P.S. I freaking detest blog footnotes! LOL. Kciao.
so wise, you are. :) i’m glad you’ve come to a resolution, both with your studies and your family. you’ve shown that you can learn to love something. my dad and i have always argued about the course i took up, me telling him that it’s what i want to do and him telling me i can learn to like accounting. i know he’s always had a point but i’m stubborn. :)
ahhh, dysthymia pala tawag dun. =)I can totally relate with you Ann, yung akin naman, criss-crossing the borders of bipolar disorder.
me too, i hate footnotes. pang-technical papers lang ang footnotes. :D
hehe To be honest, katamaran ang reason ko for using the footnotes plugin. And dahil tamad pa rin ako, I’ll keep using it.
I promise not to abuse it anymore though. lol.
Baka may dysthymia din ako. Yikes. I am also prone to ‘outbursts’ and am easily irritated. And it usually happens at home too. It’s easier for me to control my temper when outside the house(???). Sometimes not, other times, yes. But then, haven’t been to a psychiatrists. Hehe. ‘Self-diagnosed din’. However, I’ve never really been depressed.
Is separation-individuation an off-shoot of objectivism/A. Rand’s philosophy? hehe wala lng
I just thought long before that being objective (too much) in perceiving things is paradise but I came to a point where I found myself living in an island -the lone survivor of a shipwreck hehe just a piece of thought good day!
I totally agree with fruityoaty: “Lazy Achiever” philosophy’s not so pragmatic just right kind of thing hehe. Worth jumping in hehe
hi! always a joy to discover another medical blogger, specially one who writes well and bemoans the fact that she is a medical student.
i’m through residency, and i still wonder sometimes what the hell i’m doing here. expect to start wondering again once you’re in the wards… or when you talk to your non-medical friends who are all having real lives vis a vis your pseudo-life.
this life is not without its rewards, but it will be something you will have to choose over and over again. :)
good luck on the journey! btw, i am linking you to my blog.
P.S. here is a post that I think you might enjoy. this is not shameless self-promotion, i promise.:)
I usually have bouts of depression, anger and such from time to time before. But exercise did make wonders since it always leave me with this happy feeling and a weight loss to boot! Oi is there a footnote plugin?
Your anger need not be my anger.
Your hypocrisy need not be my hypocrisy.
Your bullshit need not be my bullshit.
Heh. I might borrow this lines. XD
I’m still a reluctant *insert my course here* student. Huhu. I just hope by the end of this year I’ll be able to realize that the course I’m taking up is, uh, well, good? Ah, I don’t know what adjective I should use.
it’s good that you are able to manage your condition, all everyone needs is an outlet lest we all turn into “hulks” XD
nothing wrong with being pseudo masochistic if that will get you somewhere, glad you finally like what you are pursuing :)
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